Gender: Woman
Age: 37
Name: Caro

Background:
I am a women, 37 years old. He is a man, 16 year old. We are in love.

Question:

Can we have a good relation? It is possible our understanding? It is legally and socially well-seen? Can someone acuse me (the old women) of crime?

Andy's answer:

Dear Caro,

            In my book, this is a difficult situation at best. Although biologically speaking a man reaches his sexual peak at 18 and a woman at 35, which would seem to make your combination a natural match, current society frowns on it.    You probably heard or read about the 35-year-old school teacher who had a love affair with her 16-year-old student, and even got pregnant by him twice! She's currently in jail, having been convicted of statuatory rape, which means having sex with a minor, which is a crime in all states. The public's response was one of fascination and condemnation, with a main theme of:   "what's wrong with a woman that age taking advantage of a kid?".   Frankly, you're putting yourself at legal risk by getting involved with a 16-year-old boy.

            Although I don't doubt that two people of different generations can love each other, I wonder how long such a relationship could last. Developmentally, these age groups differ vastly. A teen's job is to challenge the passive acceptance of parental rules that dominate the self of childhood, and experiment with all sorts of social roles, whereas the developmental focus of a 37-year-old includes advancing career, end-stage child-rearing, and furthering lifelong primary relationship committments. These are very different tasks. So I wonder how much you and your younger partner are 1. developmentallly on-track, and 2. not just fascinated with each other in a way that may be a hindrance to normal progression. The odds that this liason is unhealthy are high.