|Cold feet in therapy|
I am 28 years old and have been going to a physchotherapist for almost one year. I first decided to go when my drinking and other vices became unchecked and my loneliness following a move sent me deep into depression and hopelessness. I felt awful. Well, I found a therapist and was very happy to simply have someone to talk to. I felt excluded at my work and had not made any friends with whom I felt I could be honest. I found myself going just to talk about anything with someone...which I suppose was indirectly beneficial. Now, I get the sense that she feels frustrated with me because she knows I'm not completely forthcoming with her. And I'm not. I'm so overwhelmed by the potential certain embarassment I'm going to feel when I reveal to her that it is the feeling of embarassment itself that paralyzes me. I'll do anything to avoid it and I'm (almost) willing to stop therapy because I'm so terrified of looking foolish. What's more is that the reproach this creates makes me feel more powerless to change thus prompting the same self-destructive, self-loathing behaviors that I sought to release. How can I overcome this perceived danger of feeling ridiculous?
|I know itellectually what I should do, but logic hasn't really played an enormous part in my emotional life (why listen now). Arrgh! Any suggestions?|
Consciousness is the cure. If you keep your feelings hidden, you stay in the dark with them, and then not much, if anything, changes. Take some chances. Therapy can make that risky proposition of letting the truth be known, a safe one. Go for it!